Never look back

Usually we think of what we didn’t get from this life, and we, sometimes, get sad or even raged for what we wanted and never had. Most of us misunderstand the philosophy of life; people think that everything we get or happen to us is a matter of destiny.

In my opinion, at the first beginning it is a matter of life coincidence, then it is a matter of how you deal with it; how you think and decide, and then fate plays its role after you choose whether you want it or not.

Me as any adolescent, I wanted too many things, I wanted good college to study in, I wanted money to buy a lot of clothes and makeup, I wanted a cool group to have fun with. Too many wishes I guess.

I enrolled in a university, but the one I didn’t choose by my own will, there were no choices. I had to join that one. I thought, it was destiny, and I had to take it. Money was not that big deal, it was going fine, I bought what I needed, not what I wanted, but again it worked with me. Friends? I had more than fifteen girls and boys which I consider them friends.

I lived my life believing in fate and destinies are controlling our lives. I thought we don’t have any thing to do with what is happening to us. What you have to do is, wait and see.

From my place now, I could tell you what life taught me through this experience. First, I should tell you that my whole life changed, it was like a start button to begin a new kind of life starting from the end, from the collapse, but ending where? Till now I don’t know!!!

I graduated, and spent a year or two looking for the perfect job. I waited as if I am waiting for the impossible. Most of my friends were too busy to call and say hi. I shifted to my cave and decided to disappear. I went through depression for more than two years. During this period I was questioning fate? I had one question: why me?

Here, when people begin to think that their choices were not fair, and start thinking of alternatives they would have taken rather the ones they took before, they start blaming fate for it for them. And start thinking of "what if …?" statement.

I started with the first "what if ", which was "what if I joined another college and studies another major?" at least I would have more choices of jobs. This will lead to other friends which might care more!!

The feeling of what choises you have to a better life, if things went in another direction kills. I remember only falling into tears when thinking of it. I thought if I stayed in this cave I will be dead by the end of this year or so. I tried to find some light somewhere in the cave to give me some hope. I decided to read some of God's words, which always raised my spirits and led me to the right path.

I decided not to waste my time in blaming things; I had to discover, sooner or later, that there is nothing will help changing it anymore. "What if…?" statement is nothing but hopeless case. It will not lead you to the happy end you wanted, neither will it take you back to change your destiny, nor will it make your wish come true.

I believe God gave us our brains to use it in a higher level than to think of what to cook or when to buy the car of your dreams!!! If we leave everything to be done but nature, you will never get anything you want. You will only choose what comes first; thinking that this is what God had chosen for you. What makes things funny, that at the beginning you choose on the basis of fate and belief and when things go wrong, you start blaming fate!! Where is your belief now? This is against destiny and believing in it!!! This was lesson one.

This is what I had to learn from what I read during the years I spent weeping for what I thought was destiny's choices. If I didn’t think of it seriously more than once, then it is my own problem!!! If I had this level of recognition at that time, I would think of it and decide on more realistic base. But at the end of the day, if there is some one to be blamed, it is me, not destiny.

Again I found myself weeping more, because this time it was me who missed the right path. I regret all those years which might hold in between its days and months a chance of changing decisions or thinking of alternatives. The second question I needed to answer now was: Is there any U turns on my way?!! And its answer is the second lesson.

There is always another chance, but it needs more quality time between yourself and the options you are concerning. It needs hope, and higher self-confidence. It needs the real you.

The real you, is laying under million of experiences, struggles, love, and hate. It could had face different kinds of motivations to lead you either to the happy side of life, were you imagine there would be fairies, or to the dull side of life, were hopeless cases are found.

I had these motivations around me, but I didn’t take the advantages, and here it is again my own fault. I remember after I graduated, and the failure of finding good job, I started to run away from my life. I noticed that life didn’t change, it is me who changed. I didn’t answer my friends' calls, I stopped going out with them to have launch or a cup of coffee. Life was there in front of me, widely spreading its arms to me to join the club, but it is me who was refusing.

Things change inside us for a reason, I guess. This reason is linked to an experience or event had occurred in your life. You might not notice it, but unconsciously we have a reaction to it. It affects us so strongly, we can not taste life like we used to before.

At the beginning, you feel confused, you don’t know the reason, and you just feel weird. When you try to think of it deeply, your heart beats hard and fast. This moment you feel like numb and worried. Trying to concentrate more, things get more serious and you feel you just want to be alone. This need is so normal, because you don’t want to be disturbed while thinking clearly of the whole thing. You need to know what it is. Why? When? How? Where? And who? You might have no answers, but yet you keep on thinking.

Third lesson, actions speak louder than words. No matter how long we keep on thinking and worrying, nothing will change unless you start putting it into practice. But this time, and after you have discover the secret of life game, you would pause before every decision. You would calculate the risks. There is no time for error and trial. Loosing what you already had lost before took from your life the best time you ever had lived, and if things were better, you would have saved the years you spent in finding answers, in enjoying life.

At this point of experiencing life, I feel old and tired. I feel depressed and exhausted. I feel changed. Although it is the same life style you used to live and you are living now, nothing changed. Same house, same car, same partner, same love, same friends, but is it the same you?!! Here is the secret; you are the one who is changing. No one would feel that, no one can jump inside your soul to touch the struggle you are facing. They only see a breathing corpse.

Again a question pops in your mind: why things are changing? Why we should face such endless lessons in life? Why we should adjust with every change, without changing? Accepting what we have and what we are, is our dramatic game of life!!! When should we learn how to challenge our options in life, and try to change for real? When are we going to stand up for ourselves and speak up, shout so loudly and say what we really want from life?

Lesson four, if you feel all what I had mentioned before, and didn’t go through all the procedure and at the end of the day, you are the same, I can tell you: YOU DIDN’T LEARN ANYTHING FROM LIFE. You have now two options:
1- Press continue and keep on trying to see yourself another person with different choices.
2- Press start game again, and here you are loosing a couple of days, months, or years trying to figure out what you want, and what options you should have once upon a time to live the life you are dreaming of.

But do you think it is the end? The most important question you should ask before pressing continue: does it worth all this time to think, decide and take the chance of acting? What is waiting me after it happens? Will I regret the decision of changing what I had once to what I wish I want now?