Is it TOO late or not YET?!!!

I felt a breeze on my face tingling me... I started to think so slowly and unclearly... Shall I open my eyes? I dont feel like to... The feeling is so nice and dreamy...

I always think of this feeling... why i feel it only while I am asleep?!! Is it because it is only a dream?!!

I love to be hugged with all these sweet dreams. This is one of the reasons of why i go to sleep so early!!! Just to guarantee to feel all this as much as I can...

In this special moment, i feel as if I am surfing on the tides... Going up and down, feeling cold and warm, burnt by the sun lights and cooling into the shadows... What a feeling!!! Wish it will never end...

But as much as I live this moments, i should openmy eyes and end this dream...

I live in a normal house, have a normal life, and married to a man... This is my life...

As each time I awake after this great dream, I feel i can't walk my legs... I feel lazy... I make my coffee & sit near the big window in this speific room...

This is the only room i didn't stuffed it with furniture... only this lazy boy facing the window... with this garden view... which i like most... From this side of the garden i can see the best angle of the street & neighbourhood... Everything is smiling and fresh through the window... Sometimes butterflies stand on the flowers I planted outside the window...

This room and view remind me of my lovely dream... Whenever I am there I feel I am out of space... Some where back in the "what if" world...

This question lived with me as a shadow of every single moment in my life... With every word and discussion.. with every fight or fun time... with every sickness and wellness... How it will be if ....? How it will sound if....? How will it taste if....?

I feel lifeless and spiritless without these sweet dreams and my empty room... If i didn't swim there so often i will feel lost & dead...

The walls of my house are pale, dull, and sad...

How many times I painted them... and hung pictures here and there.. but still can't feel the beauty on it...

Yesterday was the last time I added new pictures on some empty spaces... but i don't feel the change...

The door bell rang... I stepped to the door in a slow motion while looking around the place to check that the house is i a good condition if outside the door is a visitor...

I opened the door, it is my neighbour... she is used to pass by from time to time to check on me... because I rarely go outside or even visit any of the neighbours...

She sat on the same place she sits everytime.. saying that it is the best place in the room.. plus she loves my living room!!!!!!!!

Is she crazy... i don't like it... as I said it is dull...

When ever she comes into this room... she starts to look around to figure out the change and she finds it...

She admire my taste in my decoration... she always tells me how I have this creativity to make a simple change to a great new look... and everytime she goes towards the curtains and pull them to let the sun rush into my walls and frames on them...

Each time she does that I feel the struggle between the lovely sun roaming in the room and my sadness inside my heart... as much as I want to feel the beauty as she does.. as much I feel sadder because I can't...

No one in this house cares about... I tried my best at the beggining... I gave these walls all my attention and effort... but without any appreciation or interest...till i reached this level...

I am still concerned about the little touches here and there... but it is not for me... it is for the people around... all strangers who comes in and out noticing all this beauty and talk about it endlessly...

As i was cleaning the cups after my friend went back to her home... and as I was preparing the table to have our lunch... he came in... from work as usual... at the same time like every day... He took a glance at me as he did everytime... he stunned as he passed the new frame on the wall...

I watched quitely... he took a look on it... and without any expression or even a word... he fixed the frame as he saw it was a bit unleveled...

This never happened before!!! He nevered cared about it all!!! He never noticed!!!

Why now?!!! In this timing!!! Is there a reason?!!!

Did he remember all my sadness and anger?!!! Did he realised how impotant that is to me?!!!

Is it important to me as before? or shall I say "was" important?!!!!!

I believe there is always a reason for any thing in life... but...

Is it TOO late or not YET?!!!!