What does he look like?

I met him on the msn a year ago; he is living in a very far place from mine. We talk nearly every day. He is very smart person and funny too. When we are usually on line, we never feel the time passing. We talk about every thing happening around, politics, work, weather, and some shallow personal stuff.

It is 11 pm now; I am in my room trying to rest from this long tiring day. Two hours passed and till now my eyes are widely open. I even can't relax in my bed. I am trying to understand what is the point of what happened with me in the past two years.

We started talking about relationships and commitments. He told me that he is in a phase of life that he is ready to start a family. We talked about it in general for about an hour, till he asked me to be his "wife". I was shocked and surprised, happy but frightened. I didn't say any word, just stared at the words on the screen. My phone rang, I looked at it and it was him.

I answered the phone and he was like: "where are you?" his voice seemed very worried, "are you ok?"

"Oh yea, I am" I replied.

"What do you think? Errmmm I am serious now, I am thinking of it for a while and I guess we match." He continued.

"I can't reply you now, it is marriage, you know, and to be honest, I can't decide whether we can do it or not before seeing you, … , face to face I mean."

"Ok, if that is an important thing for you in deciding, I will come as soon as you are ready for that."

We discussed it more further with some details and hang up the phone. What is making me worried is that I don’t have that loving emotions towards him. I respect him, like to talk to him and find him a very trustful guy, but I never thought of him as a husband.

My sister told me that what I feel towards him are the most important characteristics in a husband, and that love comes after that. Well, I really like him, and she might be true about love coming afterwards.

Now after months of talking more on phone, I started to feel attached to him. He always taught me something new about life. He always tells me "NOT TO RUSH THINGS, AND NEVER EVER PLAN SOMETHING AND DREAM OF IT and FORGET ALL ABOUT OTHER THINGS IN LIFE"

His opinion on such a topic is: plan it well and then leave it to the destiny for arranging it and making it true. He told me how he spent his life dreaming of everything he wanted and seeing it coming true just through patience.

The reason of this conversation was because I always asked him when he will take his vacation. Seeing him face to face was the last piece of the jigsaw puzzle; it will complete everything and we can then go further with our plans.

Months passed and he never could make it. He always told me it was so difficult for him to leave for a vacation in such time of the year. He told me to live my life normally and go forward in anything I was doing, but it was so hard for me to go on.

One year passed and I have done nothing in my life except dreaming of what does he look like? How his voice will match his characteristics? Many questions he would answer it so easily by sending me a picture, but he always refused. He thought that pictures don't show the whole truth. He thinks that all what a picture can show is what your state of happiness was at that specific time. Although I wasn’t convinced with his opinion, but what can I do about it?! So, what I have to do is to wait him.

I decided to do something, rather than just sitting there and waiting. I was really so bored and somehow frustrated. I called him; as soon as I heard his voice I started crying. He calmed me down knowing that he is the reason of all this sadness. He promised me that as soon as I find a job or anything else I am thinking of to do for my own future, he would book a ticket and come to see me.

Again months passed, during these months I had three interviews and got a good job. It is a good change in my life. Time passed without feeling lonely and frustrated as I did before. I even did not care much about him coming soon or not, because I understood the whole idea of how work is. I understand now that work always has the priority. I was enjoying my time and work, and wanted to prove that I can make more progress in it.

But still we stuck to our old habits, we chatted and talked everyday. After he had heard and saw how much work has made a positive affect on me and my personality, he asked me to choose a time during next month for him to come. I was very excited, and couldn't believe it. He was happy too, but asked me to cool down, and reminded me of how we should see and react on future. Plan it well and leave it, don’t think of it after that, till it happens.

We agreed on a date, it was the same day as today, last year. He told me that he will arrive the day before, at night, and the very next day, we both should meet in the café we both go to but in different countries.

I remember how anxious I was, I couldn't sleep. I called him twice at night, trying to kill time. And as usually he calmed me down with his warm wisdom and sweet loving words to leave me again in wonder how he looks like, how will we both know each other???? I decided to force myself to sleep, at least not show up late and not to look like owl eyes from the lack of sleeping.

I was awaked by the alarm tone, I jumped out of bed, and ran to the bathroom, took a fast shower and get dressed in less than five minutes!!! This was a good idea; I arranged everything the night before. I had put the clothes aside, and everything I would use, makeup, accessories and my shoes.

I am in my car, heading towards the mall. What a nice day?!! The weather is chilly. Or is me feeling the weather a bit chilly because of my nervousness.

Usually it takes me five to seven minutes to the mall, I don’t know why all this traffic was for? I drove very slowly till I passed a car accident. It is really very big accident. Policemen were spread and the ambulance had just arrived and they are trying to rescue the people in the cars. There were more than three cars in the accident.

My heart is really beating so fast, it is about to pounce out of my chest as I go inside the café. As I was entering the café, my eyes started to look over the place to find a man who is waiting for someone too. It seems I arrived early.

I went to the nearest table to the window, put my purse on it and stood near the window waiting. I started to worry, he told he will be here before me.

I remember him telling me not to rush things and leave it to destiny. I sat down and ordered my usual coffee and asked for a newspaper to read till he arrives.

Five minutes passed till I was attracted to news which frozen me in chair. The news said that yesterday night and because of unknown reason, the hotel that he was staying in had get burned completely, and the survivor were counted to five, three of them were injured, and the two were not at the hotel at the time if the accident.

I couldn't breath, he was there trying to sleep. He begged me to not to call him anymore. Yes, I remember very good how badly he wanted to sleep and have a rest. It seems that this will be his longest rest ever. God help me, what can I do? Even if I went to see him now, I will never recognize him. It will better not to try to. It is better to keep a healthy fresh face, even if it is not real, rather than a burnt one.

Desperately and unconsciously, I asked for the bill, paid and disappeared from the café. I stood in front of the mall holding the newspaper in my hands, which I must have forgotten to return it, looking at the horrible accident in front of me, and wished I could have done something for those people. I ran to my car, and drove over there and told the police officer if I can do something. Surprisingly he agreed to let me take the people who are not seriously injured. I stuffed my car with people I don’t know. Unfamiliar faces, but same wounds. My wound is similar too, for sure one of them was with a friend or a lover, and they might lost them in the accident as I lost my man in the fire.

Silence was in the car, we all were hurt deep inside to have the willing to talk. In my car were three women who sat behind me, and a man who carried a child with broken arm.

The newspaper was still on my laps, and a big picture of the scene was attached to the news. The man beside me was caught by the newspaper, and politely asked for it. I gave it to him without saying any word.

After a minute or two, he laughed and moved his head right and left; he didn’t seem like happy nor sad. I looked at him with surprise. He apologized and started speaking.

"I always think of how destiny might change your life in few seconds, but after what happened with me in the past two days, I still can't understand how we are controlled with this unknown power of destiny." He said with a long sigh.

I didn’t comment on his statement, I was thinking with him on the same subject.

I asked, "Are you injured?"
"I am not bleeding but I am in pain, my whole body is in shock"
"Don't worry, the hospital is near" I said.

We arrived to the hospital; I helped the women in the car to get out of it, and joined them to the hospital. I stood there with the women and the guy was beside me. We all waited in the emergency hall.

A nurse came to take the some personal information about them all. She started with the young boy, the women and then the man.

"My name is Ashraf Abdullah" he said as he gasped over my reaction.
I looked him in the eye, my mouth was widely open, I couldn’t breath…
"Is this true, your name is Ashraf, are you really ashraf? Hey it me, I am Mona"

He moved to me slowly, and put his hands over my shoulders to calm me down. Without saying a word he moved me towards a chair and asked me to sit down.

"I thought you will are waiting me in the café?" he asked with a low laugh, I said nothing.
"I am joking, hey, come on, for what is all that surprise?" he asked and waited me to answer.

The only two words I could say, "The newspaper.!!!"
He smiled as he understood my reaction, and started to explain what had happened with him last night and today.

A nurse came to take him to get diagnosed, I waited outside till he finished. He was alright.

He put his arm around my shoulder and started to walk outside the hospital. We get into the car.

"I told you never rush things, let the destiny lead you to future." He said.