Calls of fear

I opened my eyes on a ringing phone, it was a mobile tone. I don’t recognize this tone, it is not mine. I tried to think hard whether it is a dream or not. I opened my eyes, and look here and there. I can't find the mobile. I sat in my bed trying to track the sound.

The darkness in the room helped me to notice the light of the mobile blinking. Till now the mobile didn’t stop ringing. I could not guess what time it was. I looked to my side, my husband was not there. I remember that this was his mobile's tone. And till now it is still ringing.

I stood up and walked to the window, I opened the curtains. It was morning, maybe around 7 o'clock. I grabbed the mobile from the table and looked on the number. It was private number.

I sat on the edge of the bed thinking, shall I answer it or there is no need to?!! I spent about 10 minutes thinking of an answer, even I didn’t notice that the caller has stopped calling.

I put the mobile in my pocket and started my morning as I did everyday. I went to the kitchen to make myself a cup of coffee. I sat in my usual place, in the balcony. My husband is on a business trip. He will be away for four nights. But how did he forget to take his mobile with him? Maybe he awaked late and he was in a rush and just forgot all about the mobile!!

Why am I so worried? Why this call made me so unsafe? Why I feel so jealous and curious? I feel that there is something will change my life through this call. I feel that if I answered this call, a disaster will happen. I feel that the person who is calling my husband is his girlfriend. Was my husband from that type of people, who will look for a younger girl to prove that he is still wanted? Am I not satisfying him anymore? What a shame? I feel so disgusted!! If he were here right in front of me, I would kill him!!

I need to see Rana now, she is my best friend and she passed through the same situation the year before. She could help me discover how she felt that her husband was different. She could tell me how she won him back.

I need to know everything. How it would start and why? I want to know how it felt and what she did to pull him back to his home again.

I put on some clothes; I don’t remember what I chose to wear!! I decided to take a taxi rather than to drive my car. I walked in the street waiting for a taxi, but I couldn’t remove the image of my husband with this lady. What she look like? Is she pretty, nice, sexy? In what ways she is different than me? I know that I got older, but I am not too old yet!! I am still in love with my husband. I thought he knew that so well… we never argued, we never fought; we never slept without kissing each other good night. What went wrong then?!! My tears were falling smoothly; I could not force them not to.

Here I saw a taxi, I stopped it. And in few minutes I arrived Rana's place. I rang the door. No one opened the door. I waited another few minutes, but for no use. It seems there was no one there. It is my fault I forgot to call her. Where is my mobile? I hope it is in my purse. Yeh, I found it. But what a day, there is no battery at all. It is dead. What am I going to do now?!!

I have no car, my mobile is dead. Where shall I go now? I can't go back home. I don’t feel like seeing each love moment I shared with him. I even can't look at his pictures which are filling our living room. I feel I hate him now.

I decided to go to the nearest mall to have breakfast and think clearly. On the way, I thought of every lovely moment we shared during all these years. Eight years, we both stood for each others in good and bad. We were envied by our friends. They always asked us how we managed to have this strong love for this long period. Was that love an illusion? Was that feeling a big lie? How stupid I am. Why I want him back? If he is not happy with me, why should I care? As soon as he gets back I will tell him that I know all about his affair. I do not need any justifications. I don’t want to hear any excuses; I only want him out of my life. He cheated me once and he could do it again and again. I don’t want to experience this confusion again.

I don’t feel like eating anything, I ordered for a cup of coffee and sat there trying to think clearly. I don’t want to act like a helpless woman. I am a grown up lady, I have my job, friends and my family. I could start my life again without him around. What difference would it make? The only thing will not be the same, is walking into an empty house, with empty walls. Briefly, loveless home. So what, one day I will fill it again, I would fill it with my friends' and family's love.

But why I feel so sad and full of anger. I don’t want to be attached to him anymore. I don’t want to feel sorry. Why I feel that there is something inside wants me to win him back again?!! How can I want a cheater in my life? He does not deserve my love. He who wanted another life with another lady. He had made his decision. I might done a mistake, but he should talk to me rather than going out and look for new love. If he really cares about our life he should have try to win me back to his life not pushing me out of it.

Oh my God, here the phone is ringing again!! It is the private number. I think this is time i have to answer it and put everything to an end. I should have real proof to face him with.

My heart is beating so hard and fast, I pick up the mobile in my shaking hand, I answered. I didn’t speak a word; I just wanted to focus on the speaker.

"Hello, hello..." he said. It is a man!!
"Who is speaking?" I asked.
"It's me baby, did you forget my voice?" he answered with his usual lovely voice.
"Whose number is this? And why you didn’t take your mobile with you?" I asked curiously.
"I awaked late, and I was rushing. I didn’t want to be late for the plane. I thought that the mobile is in my laptop bag as usual!! I just wanted to make sure that you are all right. I tried to call you but your mobile was turned off."
"Yeh, I didn’t realize that until an hour ago,and I am not at home now."
"So honey, what are you doing? Is everything ok?" asking with his loving voice.
"I am going to Rana's to have breakfast. Don’t worry, everything is fine. Don’t be late. I really need you beside me." replying with tears falling on my cheeks.
"Sweetheart, even if I was far away, you should be sure I will be always near you and beside you." He replied.
"Ok huni, go back to your work and don’t worry, it is only that I miss you so much."
"Take care, baby" he hanged up.

I feel that I won a million dollar!!! He loves me and never cheated on me. What a relief. I called Rana from his mobile and invited her on breakfast. She was in her children's school. She was excited about the idea. She came rushing, she was so hungry.

While waiting her, I had to ask myself why I built up this story. Why I had to live this tragedy just for receiving one private call on his mobile? There must be something wrong with me, not with my husband.

We, human beings, are really weird. We can destroy full life in seconds while it took us life time to build it!! We never think of priorities when we are hurt. I am sure it is different from one person to another. Some people try to give another chance and another just can't. But I can not judge them both. Both of these people react for one reason, it is love. I wanted my husband to be out of my life, just to save what we had shared once in my heart. If I lost him, I don’t want to loose the memories we had together. Because if I loose it too, it will be wasting eight to nine years of my life, and I am not ready to loose my life too.

Here Rana arrived, she looks happy and excited. I am sure that she is a sample of women who wanted to win her husband back just for love. She loved him, she has children from him and a lovely, cozy home.

Love is a gift from God. We should not ignore it. Love is the link to life. Without it we are not living at all. We do not taste happiness. We do not feel we are living in harmony with the surroundings.

"Hey, how are you?" Rana asked me, giving me a hug.
"I am fine, how are you? Long time no see!!" I replied.
"Oh, I was busy re-decorating my house with Hassan, you know we like to choose everything together." She said.
"Lovely, so things are fine?" asking with curiosity.
"Never better." She replied.