From The Dark

Is there a real evil? Does the word "devil" describ a real creature, or everyone has his own SATAN?
I never thought of one of these names would be near me..
I have faith in GOD, and thought that i will never do anything to make HIM angry of me..
I never remember commiting a sin, and if i had mistakenly did,i would sit in my room trying to beg GOD for HIS forgivness..

I wonder did the devil visited me lately or not? I wonder if i chose to do a mistake or it is only the devil who pushed me to it..
I regret it .. i hate it ..
Is it enough to regret something you have done?? or you should ask for forgivness from all people you had hurt unwillingly.. or you should hate yourself and wish you would never been on earth from the very beginning..

My family, my friends, and myself...all of them were hurt.. all of them were injured.. and who is the person to be blamed?? This is the question? WHO?

I love all these people .. and want them to be happy like me.. but when the devil arrived.. and whispered in my ear: "I am here for u" the delimma began.. and the conflict appeared .. and from the darkness we arranged, and made a deal.. the conspiracy was done.. before i even realise it.. something knocked me.. or someone shouted in my inside.. telling me wake up.. you can't be that bad.. you are a good person.. you love them all.. and they love you too.. why??? why you want to distroy everything you have done? why you want to loose your faith? Satan will never be there for you anymore.. he will leave you struggling by yourself.. he will look at you from the distance and say: " It was your choice,baby"

My eyes are open, the breath came back to me.. my body is shaking .. I am alive.. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh i never felt how lovely and sweet to keep breathing.. my soul is still there in my body..

Looking arround .. they were all beside me.. one is holding my hand.. the other is smiling .. and one is sitting on the ground crying to death.. ohh mum.. how much i love you.. how much i miss you.. i lifted my hand to hold hers..but she was sooooooooo far .. she stood on her feet.. and walked so slowly with her tears falling on her cheeks..

"Sweet heart.."she said, "I knew you will make it" with a very warm smile..

i closed my eyes to remember what happened.. i was in my room in the hospital, with some pictures in my hand.. his pictures.. how much i miss him.. he was so loving .. his sweet smile was so real in the picture.. i could not bare looking at it and never feel him again.. he is gone .. and i wanted to be gone too.. i wanted to be with him ..

I opened my eyes and saw them again.. they have a warm smile too.. i could have lost them all too.. how stupid i am ..

"Where is she?" i asked .. "Don't worry, the nurse will bring her to you". Few seconds, and the door knocked.. and here she is, my baby.. she was put on my chest.. i looked at her.. she has the same sweet smile too .. "Sub7an Allah" i wondered, "How on earth i wanted to leave this half of me by herself"
Will God forgive me?? How long should i ask for his mercy?"

I knew it from the first second my eyes saw her.. that she will forgive me when she knows that i did it for love...

But this will never be forgetten.. i will never forgive myself for doing it... i will never stop hating myself for the sin i have done..

I will live for her sake .. and try to live normally again.. curiosly wait what is coming in this dark world...