Life Time

The weather is so soft today, it was the 1st of April when I was back home to start my new life between my family and closest friends of mine. Walking in the streets of the city I grew up in was a treasure, a dream I wished and prayed for. I remember I passed by this place before 10 years, I was going to my university for the first time. I was worried. Yeh, I can remember the exact feeling. My heart was beating, was it excitement or worrying? I think both. There was my new life staring? New life? How many times during our life time we think of this "new life" thing? I remember asking myself this question many times. As far as I can remember the first one was in August, 1992. In this exact year was the first turn over in my life. Before that it was a slow easy going life. Nothing changed. The biggest change came in that year. A lot of questions appeared, and I was young to understand life so easily. It was frustrating, depressing, and annoying to realize that your life has changed, specially from an easy going to a tougher one. You have to start with new environment, people, atmosphere, and new you; because you have to change too to adjust among all these changes. And here am back to this same place where I am starting everything new, and experiencing the dilemma of life. But this time, mature lady is being abroad. Not that young adolescent, who knew only how to live so easily. I remember at this same street the first guy ever wanted to love me and have a serious relationship with me. My first heart beating to the idea of being loved. Woow, what a feeling, it drew a warm smile on my face just to remember how the beating of my heart was so confusing!!! I might be young at that time, but I think I was not like most of the girls who only wanted a guy occupying their hearts. I dont remember rejecting him, he was so gentle and kind. He understood my way of life, and promised me one day he should win my heart. In this park I used to play with my best relative girl friend. She is my soul mate. I love her and we share till now our spare time talking and chit chatting about different things in life. I miss that period of life. It was the period when we our personalities were in the process of growing and learning. I wish to go back there, to undo some mistakes I did not learn from. I had the chance to learn more, but there are always impossible wishes in life.

Yeh, this is the house I grew older in. neighbors and friends were the core of life. How things look different as time pass. It didn’t look the same. It was brighter and full of life. I will walk in this street, the same street i used to walk to my school with my friend. We enjoyed walking more than taking a cab or bus. I remember walking from school back home under the heavy rain. We laughed to death that day. And we stayed in bed ill for almost a week. We shared nice and funny memories. I wonder how is her life now, and whether she remember me or not.

Some buildings are new here. In this house, I remember asking the same question once more. "Here again another new life is starting, what is waiting me?" I finished my bachelor in this house, and the practical one is starting. What is coming now was my fear. The true life I guess. C.Vs here and there. Praying to GOD to give me the chance to work in an appropriate place where I can be an active person in society. Was this the ultimate desire??! Many wishes I remember. First, to be independent, second, good image, third, find Mr. Perfect. Why in this stage of life we all, girls, start seriously looking for him? Funny, I guess. But this is how life leads you to your future. The future which is now my present. My present which I am starting another new life from it. New life again?! I never realized it. I never thought I will ask myself this question again. I thought your last new life you will be curious about is when you start it with Mr. Perfect. And "The End" will be for your new life.

My tour finished, I arrived to this new house. My home, where I will start this new life again. Knowing nothing what will be waiting for me. Many questions, how, when, what, who???? Do I have time to get the answers? Will I find out what is waiting for me? Am I going to end this new life happily or what? And the most important question, is there another new life I will be wondering about? What a life time we live? Full of surprises and questions. I entered my kitchen, made a cup of coffee, light a cigarette, and thinking … when will "The End" come.. how long should I wait to see how my life will be like? And is there any chance for me in this life I am starting now to learn from what I missed before? These question could be answered only if I have to live another new life.